DEAR PS

2012-01-27T16:14:00.000-08:00

Color Struck

In honor of Dr. MLK, Jr. National Holiday, January 16, 2012

“….where my children will no longer be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” MLK, Jr.

Have Black people finally gotten to the point where they no longer judge each other by the color or hue of their skin? Do we see each shades of Blackness in an equal and desirable manner? Sadly, we would all have to say that it is very apparent that lighter-skin is revered and desired more than darker-skin (especially in women). Amongst the members of the African Diaspora globally, the darker brethren are (generally) the least beautified, quantified and qualified.

Houston…we have a problem!

Listening to MLK, Jr. quotes on BET 106 Park music show, the tribute to Dr. King was set to a backdrop of very talented young musicians. The hosts were interspersing King quotes and viewer’s reactions to the King holiday on the show. I was very proud of the show highlighting the contributions of Dr. King. It was wonderful to hear them speak about the shoulders on which they stand. But there was a very disturbing trend amongst the videos being lauded during the music video countdown…

ALL the Black male videos featured female groupies that were of a different ethnic group (the majority) and the rest very light-skinned Black women; only an occasional drop of dark chocolate. It did not matter whether it was a single woman featured or a huge dance floors filled with “beautiful” women – all were light with long or straight textured hair. Interestingly, just that week I watched a new Black film premiering on a movie channel and I remembered a scene where a mocha-colored man told a dark-skinned, beautiful woman that he “usually don’t do dark-skin women” but he would make an exception for her. She responded by throwing her drink in his face. But what really added psychosis to neurosis was when the “ditzy” white girl paid him some attention at the end of the movie and he looks upward to “thank God” for his change in luck. I know the movie was intentional about sharing this cultural ailment with its audience, but did we learn anything? Did we take enough pause when Chris Rock released his “Good Hair, Bad Hair” parody. Are we still heart-broken over Precious?

The issues of “color inequality” are coming to the forefront of cultural stratification. The persistence of a people suffering from being “color struck” is crying out loudly to be examined and called out for what it is – prejudice, stereotyping, bigotry and racism - and what it is doing to our young, darker children! It is shameful, ignorant and ungodly to continue the perpetuation of seeing and treating others different because of the color of their skin. It is particularly damaging when your own race continues to self-inflict itself. This mentality appears to be becoming an “acceptable norm” and it is considered normal not to see dark-skinned women being embraced, honored, beautified or in any way desired in mainstream mass communications. Dark-skinned women with “big bootys” are continuously the brunt of ugly or undesirable jokes, by their own people. Our young dark-skinned brothers are constantly portrayed as thugs, gang members, con-artists, pimps and felons in all aspects of mass culture. How can we blame a 2012 GOP Presidential candidate for describing our young boys in the following racist manner, “We don’t think a child of 13 should be held as responsible as a man of 23. That’s true for most people, but black males age 13 who have been raised on the streets and who have joined criminal gangs are as big, strong, tough, scary and culpable as any adult, and should be treated as such.” Are we as a people complicit in our silence and shame?

Even some of our most notable celebrities find themselves in the middle of this distressing issue. MSN news tabloid Wonderwall reported on the new cover art for Beyonce’s album “4” commenting:

“Whether or not Beyonce herself is to blame, she sure seems to be a magnet for skin color controversy. New artwork from the singer's album "4" surfaced this week, and her skin (not to mention, that blond hair) appears dramatically lighter than it does in real-life. Although Bey has not yet commented on the growing Web buzz about the image, it's not the first time she's come under fire for the apparent changing color of her skin. In a 2008 L'Oreal campaign, Beyonce's coloring was digitally lightened in post-production. At the time, writer Yasmin Alibhai-Brown wrote in the Daily Mail, that "when black celebrities appear to deny their heritage by trying to make themselves look white, I despair for the youngsters who see those images." Wonderwall, msn.com , 1/17/2012

The question stands, “Are we really addressing the lingering consequences of slavery, Jim Crow as well as the internalized and institutionalized legacy of racism? Are we still ashamed of our ancestry? We are a people who are still trying to marry-up, or lighten our family lines. We want to make sure our children are light-skinned with “good hair”. We are the only people on the planet that still believe that a “watered-down” version of who we are is preferable to the original. We learned our lesson well. In the spring of 2008, Harvard University, Department of Government Professors Jennifer L. Hochschild and Brenna M. Powell wrote a white paper on “Racial Reorganization and the United States Census 1850-1930: Mulattoes, Half-Breeds, Mixed Parentage, Hindoos, and the Mexican Race”. When detailing the 1890 census, they cite that:
“As in 1850, the expansion included more detail on racial mixture. With regard to “color or race,” enumerators’ instructions specified: ‘Be particularly careful to distinguish between blacks, mulattoes, quadroons, and octoroons. The word “black” should be used to describe those persons who have three-fourths or more black blood; “mulatto,” those persons who have from three-eighths to five-eighths black blood; “quadroon,” those persons who have one-fourth black blood; and “octoroon,” those persons who have one-eighth or any trace of black blood.’”

The authors go on to reveal that there were no instructions given as to HOW this was to be determined. I wonder…Ambi skin cream anyone?

We are damaging and in some respects, destroying our young boys and girls born of a darker hue with hair tight&curly in texture. Add other ethnic features such as broader lips, nose, (think Michael Jackson) hips, and ample-behind. It becomes common place for members of our culture that are not mixed enough; to experience the consistent repudiation of those who are (mixed enough). Sadly, many do not recognize this as a dis-ease of self-hate and complicity. Yes, complicit in dishonoring our own magnificent diversity! Still believing the lie that to be “white is right” and continuing to believe all the ignorant stereotypes about dark toned people. And so, agreed upon cultural biases continue to fuel the “need” to buy weaves, eye contacts, nails, sexualized clothing (and behavior), skin lighteners, straightners and cosmetic surgery.

Black people globally need to take the cultural, moral, and spiritual responsibility for the poor self-esteem and self-worth that is being generationally passed down to our children! In addition, the false messages being sent to the “beautiful ones” that they are what they look like and the things they own – by any means necessary!

Every living creature on the planet possesses its own unique, incredible, one-of-a-kind beauty from the Creator. We need to honor this, help everyone embrace their own magnificence and teach all of us to appreciate beauty from the inside-out. See the splendor in all our diversity! Whether white, milk or dark – chocolate is a wonderful thing!!! And remember, most of us grew up with a saying “God don’t like ugly!” I am pretty sure it means an inner thing.

P.S. Perkins

Author and Founder,

Human Communication Institute, LLC

IS ANYBODY HOME OUT THERE? …or death of a planet

2011-01-12T11:39:00.000-08:00

I delight in seeing the light-bulbs go off as discussions open mental doors that communication is a skill that can be and must be developed. The conversation always gets personal then professional – “Wow, my mate and I need this or my team could use some help!” Communication is the major factor in how we are experiencing life and those around us. For 5 plus years, I have engaged in co-building an institute dedicated to the skills of effective communication. Everyday I continue to introduce, share and grow the Human Communication Institute, LLC (HCI). The most common initial question I am asked is “What do you mean human communication?” It’s one of those questions you welcome but also makes you wince when you hear it. I usually succinctly answer, “The research and training of effective interaction between people. What we are doing right now.”

The focus here is that so many, so very many are unaware that communication is the key to how and what they are experiencing in life. It is with amazement that most people approach our practitioners remarking, “Can you really make money doing that!”

Riddle: What can create a computer chip, is as invisible but more visible than the wind and able to defeat dynasties in a single dose?

COMMUNICATION!

I sit here in the recent after-math of: U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Gifford’s shooting and mass killing in Arizona, the latest fatal school shooting in Omaha, Nebraska, stalled and violent elections in Republic of Côte d'Ivoire, headless murders in Acapulco, Mexico, Southern Sudan’s possible succession, global terrorism and the list remains endless, all the while being questioned daily about the “importance” of communication training.

Is anybody home out there?

About a decade ago, it began to dawn on me that there was something vastly missing in the socialization processes – “growing up” was missing a vital tool of instruction that most of my eager college students came to class greatly unaware of. Countless “older” students were experiencing the information in the Human Communication classes as “never heard of, where has this been” information important to life! Classes on self-talk, interpersonal conflict, empathetic listening, small group effectiveness, cross-cultural communication, nonverbal communication, the list goes on. All of these tools were locked up behind the walls of academia. These “adults” already well on their way to LIFE wanted to know why they were just learning these tools vital to a good marriage, healthy childrearing, personal and professional success? Surely, their caretakers must have understood the important role of communication in preparing them for life – all of it!

In 2005, the Human Communication Institute, LLC was born to answer this need. So you may be wondering why I have time to write these blogs/articles and chew the fat with you while the world is going to “hell in a hand basket”?

MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY!

P.S. Perkins, Founder

Human Communication Institute, LLC

www.hci-global.com

"YOU take YOU wherever YOU go!"

2010-10-11T14:37:00.000-07:00

All around us, people are waking up to the wisdom and understanding that most of what is being experienced in their lives is coming from their own mental, emotional, physical and spiritual creation. The TRUTH is your circumstances are being created by the way you are thinking. Yes, the old “positive thinking” tricks…or is it?

As a Man thinketh, so is he.

You will reap what you sow; what are you sowing?

It is not what goes into a man that defiles a man, but what comes out of him.

Thoughts are mental units of energy that materialize.

Every deed is first known as thought.

PERception is PERsonal.

How does the truth about you relate to your relationships?

If you take you wherever you go, then what have you brought to the table? Who are you: your likes, dislikes, personality, habits, beliefs, and customs?

The person sitting right across from you ALSO brought all of their “stuff” to the table.

How can two or more people navigate this very vital, influential FACT about creating partnerships?

YOU MUST:

MAKE ROOM FOR THE OTHER PERSON’S REALITY!

Begin the journey of self-examination.

www.hci-global.com

2010-01-16T20:54:00.000-08:00

Résilience

a cry for Haiti

Once fertile valleys of magnificent mahogany surrounded by curvaceous mountains lying beyond vast oceans of darkness; Haiti your beauty belies the tragedy of plunder torn asunder by exploitation and greed.

Rising like the phoenix out of ruins of corrupt conquests of conquistadors to claim your rightful place among humanity deciding its fate; no more auction block for thee!

A testimony to the price of self-determination levied on the scarred backs of brave warriors witnessing to the world; African and Arawak (now deceased)leading righteous revolts.

“Unity makes Strength, L'Union Fait La Force”, your cry of endurance never broken as they toss guilt-ridden tokens of admission and denial at you mud caked feet; all the while interfering in your sovereignty.

And now the weight of nature brings forth its waves, shakes and tremors of release felt deep in every soul; women and men of the African Diaspora,once again fortitude calls you forth.

Hold tight your resilience, your spiritual strength. Hearken! Your recompense is nigh; for the last shall be first and the first shall be last. Hold on Haiti, Hold on! The Promised Land is near!

P.S. Perkins

www.hci-global.com

Good Hair, Bad Hair, et al.

2009-12-14T12:19:00.000-08:00

Do you have good hair? Straight hair? Bad hair? Nappy Hair? Wavy hair? Does it make a difference? According to our culture it does! Preference is an interesting word….Some people cry out against “special preference” given to others while they themselves have experienced preferential status all their lives. Maybe they were tall enough, light enough, smart enough, rich enough, male enough, and the lists of preferences goes on. It’s in the language that we label, categorize, stereotype, prejudice, prefer. The image of straight hair is clear in your mind along with its connotations of place in society. You understand its label, category, stereotype, prejudice, preference as well as the characteristics of its “antithesis” nappy hair. However, anyone using their common sense knows, good hair is healthy hair and bad hair is unhealthy hair which of course has nothing to do with the curl of the hair. But beauty does. And we have ascribed certain traits (words) to beauty.

Language and culture create a shared meaning. Some labels are so toxic they induce self-hate. How can you love something called “bad hair”? Some words are supposed to evoke envy such as thin and rich. Language strongly influences reality. (Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis, 1920, 1959, 2008). The words being used are the ones that are creating the realities we are living. Why would Black Women of all spheres of Black life invest in “taming” their hair into culturally accepted European styles? Maybe they do not want to be seen as having bad hair.

Yes, I am a survivor of the language of oppression and its deep scars that have tried to rip my self-esteem and self-worth asunder. I survive to spread the words of conscious acceptance or rejection choosing to create a new vocabulary of empowerment. Let’s take this “insightful” moment as an opportunity to have a deeper discussion about WORDS and their power. Movies like “Good Hair” and “Precious” are trying to have a serious dialogue with us on far deeper levels than most feel comfortable acknowledging. Maybe its time for a new language; maybe its time to choose different words. We can make different choices – we can use our words to heal, uplift and create inclusive beauty – its all in what we say and it’s always your choice!

By P.S. Perkins, Author, The Art and Science of Communication, Wiley, 2008

Communication Positioning

2009-11-02T10:06:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Dear PS,

This edition is guaranteed to help bring communication to the forefront of your life. Enjoy, grow and Pass It On!

Millions use or have at least heard of Global Positioning System (GPS) that helps drivers navigate through the highways and byways of life. Yes, GPS has its definite benefits but what about YCP, Your Communication Positioning? GPS may provide directions from A to B but your communication positioning is the guiding force of all your relationships – personal, social and professional. It’s time to turn on Your Communication Positioning navigation system.

All new “equipment’ comes with guidelines and a manual of operation. So what is YCP and how does it work? Every individual is consciously and/or subconsciously aware of and operating within their perceived communication position. It is the position of power and acceptance they perceive themselves to have within a communication experience or environment. Have you ever noticed that you feel and respond to people you interact with based on how you perceive yourself in connection to them? We live in a culture where we are constantly taught to compare ourselves to one another – we engage daily in social comparisons. Our self-worth or value is the measurement we consciously and subconsciously position ourselves within whenever we are engaged in communication with self and others. So, whether it is our Intrapersonal, Nonverbal, Interpersonal, Small Group, Public, Persuasive or Intercultural communication experiences, we are ALWAYS transmitting and responding within our perceived worth. How you doin’?

Your level of self-esteem and self-worth directly impact your communication effectiveness and success. As you encounter and interact within your daily communication experiences understanding the volatility of communication positioning allows the effective deliverer to communicate in greater awareness and thus greater effectiveness to achieve desired goals.

Dear PS writes:

2009-09-23T14:11:00.000-07:00

The Politics of WORDS

WORDS! WORDS! And more WORDS!

Since the 2008 Presidential election, many of us have watched and listened with increasing incredulity to the vitriolic communication capturing the nation’s headlines. Much of the communication sounds and feels reminiscent of pre/post reconstruction and civil rights era rhetoric as factions divided and closed ranks around their individual interests. “Why can’t we all just get along” is still the cry of peace in 2009. I have been shocked and highly concerned about the manner in which some have decided to use their 2nd Amendment rights to vilify the current President of the United States and reconstruct change into fear, fright and the will to fight!

Maybe you missed some of the most controversial statements:
(The names have been left out to protect the not so innocent)

“President Barak HUSSEIN Obama is a racist. He hates white people.”

“You lie!”

“President Obama is a socialist, commie!”

“Yes, I meant what I said, I hope he fails!”

“Well, I think white men were 100 percent of the people that wrote the Constitution, 100 percent of the people that signed the Declaration of Independence, 100 percent of people who died at Gettysburg and Vicksburg. Probably close to 100 percent of the people who died at Normandy. This has been a country built basically by white folks in this country who are 90 percent of the entire nation-in 1960…”

Add to these words the thousands of news photos showing signs and pictures of the President with the recognizable Hitler mustache, devil horns, and a bone through his nose, as well as individuals attending his rallies toting guns…it’s a little more than out of control wouldn’t you say? And to add hurt to injury, many of these individuals purport to be devoutly religious.

WORDS! WORDS! And more WORDS!

So where are the voices of reason, sanity and civility? I have always been taught “out of the heart, the mouth speaks”. Well, my heart as well as my passion for communication that heals, tells me that I must write and speak out against this revisionist, anarchist and racist hate mongering SPEECH! It’s time to have a dialogue about the importance and effects of communication on our collective lives…one long over due in the American psyche. We are and will continue to be a nation divided by the color line until a critical number of us care more for the future of our children and our nation than we care about protecting our personal past or our particular present!

A large majority of American people elected a President of impeccable character, ability and compassion who brings with him the distinctive characteristic of being of mixed race, though having always self-identified as African American. In my lifetime, I have lived through Jim-crow (as a young child growing up in the south) and the civil rights movement. I have been labeled the “N” word, colored, Negro, black, African American and a person of color. The “labels” that have often eluded me and my ancestors have been those of: pioneer, scientist, city planner, clock maker, revolutionary, doctor, nurse, scholar, pastor, poet, abolitionist, soldier, astronomer, botanist, politician, inventor, etc., etc., etc....and all these BEFORE the end of slavery.

Fast forward 146 years later and the President of the United States is labeled an “illegal alien” by the crazed “birther movement” as well as the other dreaded “N” word - Nazi. Yes, it is enough to make you cry…and I have. I have cried for the millions of young American boys and girls who have to keep reliving a horrible past that refuses to be healed. If we do not use our voices to silence the forces of hate and fear, we are indeed conspirators to their misguided deeds! Our children deserve much better and so does the legacy of millions of Blacks, Whites, Hispanics, Asians, Native Americans and other ethnic groups who have TOGETHER built America.

In spite of the refusal of some to acknowledge the contributions of all the cultures that have made this great nation, we have: the first Hispanic Supreme Court Justice, the first Black Attorney General of the United States, the 2nd female Secretary of State, and the first African American President! There is a lot to celebrate, reflect upon and be thankful for, but let us not forget – there is work to do before we can proudly pass onto our children a nation that truly practices its declaration “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men {people} are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness…” These are WORDS that act as the true moral compass of our nation. Are your words meant to heal or to kill? Are you speaking your truth? Let’s hear it; I am silent and ready to listen. There is no coincidence that both words have the exact same letters. You must be silent, inside and out, long enough to listen. Let the communication begin!

Bringing Communication to the forefront of Your Success!

2009-05-26T11:11:00.000-07:00

Dear PS
...just one more thing to say.

PS Perkins, contributor to: Laws of Communication & WAKE UP WOMEN

Dear PS:

Q: I have a real hard time talking with people one-on-one. When at gatherings or in small groups, I am ok, but when I have to interact interpersonally, I don’t know what to say!
A: The art of conversation is an ability that escapes most people for a number of reasons. One wonderful interpersonal conversation resource is listening! You’d be surprised what you can relate to when you recognize the commonness found in most discussions. Another important guide to conversation is your repertoire. What are your interests? What do you usually talk about? Discover a little about a lot and feel more comfortable talking to anyone! Lastly, learn to value silence. You do not have to say anything unless you feel it worthwhile to all listening.

Q: I have been reading about the power of positive thinking. I am not sure if it really works but I noticed recently that I am constantly thinking negatively about everything, easily angered, and discouraged. Do my thoughts really affect my mood?
A: Your concern is very important. Many individuals are experiencing challenging times. There has been an explosion of positive thinking gurus! Their messages are nothing new. The human race has always brought forth many thought “doctors” trying to help us see the direct connection between our thoughts, words, and experiences. So YES, your thoughts definitely affect your behavior – your life. We call this Intrapersonal Communication – your self-talk. By monitoring your thoughts, which will adjust your words, you WILL change your life! It’s like the old saying – “out with the old, in with the new!”

Q: I have received a couple of complaints that I have a tendency to invade other people’s space. I do not mean to but I guess I am just not aware. I just don’t get it!
A: Each culture has its own rules governing personal and area space. You may be from a culture that looks at personal space differently. The study of Nonverbal Communication (NVC), which is culturally bound, helps us to navigate the global community we increasingly must live and work in. This “science” includes variables such as time, space, touching, smell, etc. Observe the NVC of those around you and adjust accordingly – as I always say, “when in Rome do as the Romans; when at home do as the homies!” Communication is always appropriate or inappropriate.

“We are not the Red States and Blue States; we are the UNITED States of America!” President Elect Barack Obama

2008-11-20T14:58:00.000-08:00

Read chapter 7, for autographed copy www.hci-global.net

November 19, 2008

“We are not the Red States and Blue States; we are the UNITED States of America!” President Elect Barak Obama

Once again, the power of positive, clear communication inspired the hearts and minds of millions! If you can think of any single skill that most strategically helped President-Elect Obama achieve his goal as Commander and Chief of the United States of America, effective communication would have to be right up there with #1. The 2008 Presidential Election ignited conversation about the possibility of change around the world. I suggest, as we move from excited shock to the excitement of what it means to participate in change we will better understand the importance and power of Communication – the art and the science!

Isn’t It Time You Bring Communication to the Forefront of Your Life?

Dear PS: Conversations about Communication™

Welcome to the 7th and final 2008 edition of Dear PS! For the last 7 months we have taken step by step the 7 steps of the Communication Staircase empowering our communication awareness and skills. We hope you have benefited from our learned knowledge about applying effective communication tools in your life. In this edition, we are discussing the ever increasing need to be culturally competent in your communication. We now live in a global community. How prepared are you at making room for ‘others’ in your workplace or community? Make sure you read chapter 7 of The Art and Science of Communication: Tools for Effective Communication in the Workplace. Also we want to share ASC endorsement by Ken Blanchard of Ken Blanchard Companies:
“If you want to improve your relationships at work, you may need to learn how to communicate better. In The Art and Science of Communication by Pamela Perkins, you’ll learn how to express yourself more effectively and how to better understand the people around you. This interesting book is sure to perk up your people skills!”
-Ken Blanchard, coauthor of The One Minute Manager® and The One Minute Entrepreneur™

Alert, we are moving forward globally with Humanity Unites Brilliance (HUB). Visit the HUB website at http://www.elect.hubhub.com/; it’s an opportunity to work together to uplift humanity.

Thanks for a momentous year of faith, love, support, struggle and triumph! See you next year!
God bless us all!

Visit our blog for Dear PS archives and please send your comments to:
http://www.dearps.blogspot.com/

Intercultural Communication Tips
Dear PS,

Q: I am a mentor to one of the newer staff members and she happens to be Vietnamese. She always seems
so mild mannered and I keep trying to get her to speak up for herself and be more competitive.
A: This is a very typical scenario in many diverse organizations. Those that are enculturated in U.S.
American organizational cultures, are very receptive to competition and its mandates. Not all
organizational cultures thrive in competition and not everyone is interested in scaling the corporate
ladder. Some are content where they are. This is not to say that this is the circumstance of your
colleague; however, she has been nurtured in a culture that is more cooperative and has more power
distance issues. Many thrive in a different framework of promotion. (See chapter 7 ASC) First, do not
assume everyone wants the same thing. Secondly, after you have given support and gentle nudges, let it
go and she will find her comfort zone.

Q: Now that Barack Obama is President-Elect Obama, often at work I get this “obviously you voted for
Obama look”, solely predicated on race. And yes, I voted for Obama; not solely on the fact that he is half white and half black, he was the only qualified candidate in my opinion.
A: You bring up a very important issue – “your opinion”, and its other people’s opinions that have them
looking at you cock-eyed. Perspective is a very interesting thing. There is a theory called “Standpoint”
that theorizes an individual can only see from where they stand. Pretty common sense unless you
truly attempt to walk in another person’s shoes. Try not to take it personal. Change is a hard thing for
most people. Make room for other realities while honoring your own.

Q: I work with all kinds of people and feel myself to be very open as a white, heterosexual male.
However, I have a new coworker that it is a bit hard for me to develop a relationship with. She is “out”
and always talking about her “family” when we are bringing up small talk as a group. The gay thing
always seems to be in the way. I am a bit surprised by my discomfort.
A: Yes, this is obviously a preoccupation with you. I am not sure how any of us expect not to see the
opposite of ourselves all the time. Six billion people on the planet; six million variations of
everything in the flesh. Spirit is something different. Kind of puts things in perspective doesn’t
it? Move over.
PS. Have a wonderful day. It’s always your choice! And that’s my word!
Pass It On!
http://www.hci-global.com/

DEAR PS

2008-10-29T10:16:00.000-07:00

September 28, 2008

Dear Human Communicators,

Isn’t It Time You Bring Communication to the Forefront of Your Life?

Dear PS: Conversations about Communication™

Welcome to the 6th edition of Dear PS! For the last 6 months we have been climbing the Communication Staircase empowering our communication awareness and skills. I hope you are finding the communication tools and advice valuable. In this edition we are discussing the power of Public Presentation – FINDING YOUR VOICE! Make sure you read chapter 5 of The Art and Science of Communication: Tools for Effective Communication in the Workplace (ASC).

Now, we have some exciting news to share with you! Several months ago we came in contact with an organization called Humanity Unites Brilliance (HUB). We joined because we needed to consolidate and increase our charitable contribution impact as well as take advantage of the incredible personal growth offerings of HUB. As a secondary incentive, we understood that we could share HUB with others and profit from its multi-level marketing model. But honestly, we were so excited to be contributing to HUB sponsored programs like Feed the Children, Nobel Prize winner Dr. Yunus’s Micro-loan Programs, Clean water projects and building schools, we really did not seriously consider the economic benefits to our business. Well, the economic reality of our world is changing the way all of us must look at our resources AND ways to participate in healing the planet. HUB is it! Not only do we have our own HUB portal to advertise our business and products to millions; not only are we wisely providing for the needs of those less fortunate; not only are we being mentored by some of the greatest business and motivational minds IN THE WORLD, we now realize that we really can make money to grow our dreams. It’s true; we’ve experienced it and seen it first hand. Interested, visit the HUB website at http://www.elect.hubhub.com/; it’s time for a new paradigm. When we work together to uplift humanity, we uplift ourselves. Join us!

Visit our blog for Dear PS archives and please send your comments to:
http://www.dearps.blogspot.com/

Public Presentation Communication Tips

Dear PS,

Q: I freeze up when I have to speak “off the cuff”. I get so self-conscious and my words just don’t come
out the way I want.
A: You are not alone. Most individuals find impromptu communication uncomfortable. A couple of
suggestions: (1) increase your repertoire of global awareness, you can not contribute if your
knowledge base only contains your personal likes/dislikes; (2) improve your vocabulary; (3) be ready –
if there is even the remote possibility that you may need, want to contribute, plan ahead, and lastly (4)
be interested in others and LISTEN – this technique can give you lots to contribute by just asking
questions based on what others are interested in. These are just a few techniques. ASC chapter 5
offers many more ways to find your voice when you want it!

Q: I often have to give presentations for my firm and even though I enjoy speaking in front of
groups, I find that I struggle with self consciousness and as a result have trouble getting my message
across.
A: You have heard that Public Speaking is the number one fear for most people. You at least will move
through the fear and come forward to speak your “truth”. I suggest two ways for controlling
nervousness when speaking in public: (1) preparation and (2) message consciousness. Preparation
creates confidence; message-consciousness maintains composure. You need a healthy dose of number 2
- keep your mind on your message and off your self!

Q: I listen to people like Tony Robbins, Oprah Winfrey and other great communicators. Their voices
sound so professional, so interesting. I think mine is flat and boring. Can I change this?
A: You sure can! Your Paralanguage (see chapter 2 ASC) is the tonal quality and other nuances that
make your voice unique. Fortunately, your vocalics can be altered if you so desire. Some take
accent/dialect reduction classes, which I do not advocate except in extreme cases. Some individuals just
need to raise or lower their speech, maybe talk slower or faster, or focus on their diction. There are
many ways we can “clean up” our voices to be more interesting, vibrant and clear to our listeners. At
HCI, LLC we provide these services individually and for groups. Call for your free consultation today!

PS. Have a wonderful day. It’s always your choice! And that’s my word!
Pass It On!
http://www.hci-global.net/ http://www.hci-global.com/ http://www.communicationstaircase.com/

Isn’t It Time You Bring Communication to the Forefront of Your Life?

2008-09-02T11:37:00.000-07:00

August 24, 2008

Dear Human Communicators,

How successful would you be personally and professionally if you had a personal Communication Advisor?

Isn’t It Time You Bring Communication to the Forefront of Your Life?

Dear PS: Conversations about Communication™

Welcome to the 5th edition of Dear PS! For the last 5 months we have been climbing the Communication Staircase empowering our communication awareness and skills. I hope you are finding the communication tools and advice valuable. In this edition we are discussing the power of persuasion in relationship to the pervasive messages of mass media confronting all of us daily. There are only 3 ways to persuade and 3 reasons for doing it. Make sure you read chapter 6 of The Art and Science of Communication: Tools for Effective Communication in the Workplace (ASC).

The Human Communication Institute, LLC just returned from an incredibly successful Warm Spirit® Conference in New Orleans and a series of book signings. We are pleased and proud to say “PEOPLE ARE GETTING IT!” They are receiving the empowering tool of the Communication Staircase Model and personal, social and professional lives are positively changing! As our “Dear PS” family, we truly hope yours is too! And as always, we sincerely appreciate your support and PASSING US ON!

Visit our blog for Dear PS archives and please send your comments to:
www.dearps.blogspot.com

Mass/Persuasive Communication Tips

Dear PS,

Q: Can you help me understand why I seem to be receptive to other people ideas at work and so lacking in
confidence about my own? I seem to trust and listen to others more than I do myself!
A: You appear to be an individual that is highly influenced by “speaker credibility” or ethos. In other
words, during your years of socialization, other people’s opinions, attitudes, and beliefs took
precedence over your own. This inclination has transferred into your professional life. Take some time
to think about why other people’s opinions are more valuable than your own. When did it begin? What
experiences made you devalue your ideas as less than others? Come to understand that you do have
a unique contribution to make to both your personal and professional settings. Find your voice and
trust it. Yes, we should seek the advice and opinions of those we trust and admire but your destiny can
only be forged by trusting yourself with the answers for your future as well as the talents you bring to
the workplace.

Q: I am a having trouble getting my message across to my co-workers. We are having problems meeting
deadlines and as their supervisor I just can’t seem to motivate them to action!
A: Your concern is not uncommon to others in leadership positions. Our last communiqué discussed team
building and tips for effective teams. We define a successful team as one that thrives in co-opetition,
“members contributing their individual best for the collective good.” This is the vital key to motivating
your team - making sure that you are valuing each member for their individual contributions and sharing
the vision of the collective reward. Motivation is not a hard sale. It is encouraging individuals to
continue to do what they already know will benefit them. Work on the communication climate and make
sure you are communicating success and mutual advantage. Read the Mass/Persuasion chapter in ASC.
It provides great tools for influencing your audience.

Q: There are so many different choices in life? I am having trouble navigating through all the different
voices. How can I find my own path?
A: This is the question all of us must ask we seek to understand our unique contribution to the vast universe
of creation. Be careful of the “mass” voices that daily make their way into your consciousness. “Be this,
do that, have this, want that!” Determine where these voices are coming from and what are they asking
of you. Are they driving you towards your individual best or are they asking you to subjugate your
desires to their own? Discover your passion and live in it. Invite only those voices, those choices that
support your dream and add your wonderful contribution to this wonderful creation!

PS. Have a wonderful day. It’s always your choice! And that’s my word!
Pass It On!
www.hci-global.net www.hci-global.com www.communicationstaircase.com

Dear PS

2008-08-23T09:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Human Communicators,

Welcome to our new “Dear PS Blog”. Send Your Comments!!!

How successful would you be personally and professionally if you had a personal Communication Advisor?

Dear PS: Conversations about Communication™

What a difference a few weeks makes! Since our last communiqué, we now have a democratic frontrunner for President of the United States of America that is also breaking historical barriers by being a Bi-racial (Black) American male! Hillary Clinton waged the most successful female candidacy ever! We are also dealing with the devastating fall-out of the Mississippi River floods! There are again peace talks between Hamas and Israel! The EU has decided to lift sanctions from Cuba! What a few incredible weeks...Think about it. All that we know and understand about the aforementioned situations is what has been shared, created or experienced through the POWER of WORD. What is your word creating? If you are reading this newsletter, your continued communication will be enriched. Share with others! That’s what Interpersonal Communication is all about – sharing with another in connectivity.

I am so excited to share as author that The Art and Science of Communication (ASC) is flying off the shelves of major bookstores nationally, international and online into the hands and mind of a multitude of interested readers! THANK YOU to all who have purchased copies and are already reading and sharing. I just returned from a Barnes and Noble 3-stop book tour in my home state N.C. It was FABULOUS! I am receiving some extremely positive and humbling feedback. I recently walked into a Borders Bookstore, and there was my book on the Business/Communication shelf! How exciting for me to sign a few copies for the store. We are in desperate need to understand more about this gift and the VITAL important power of communication skills to navigate every aspect of our lives. Please continue to join me and PASS IT ON!

LASTLY, Read The Art and Science of Communication, and PLEASE visit Amazon.com to share your review of the book with the world.

Interpersonal Communication Tips
Dear PS,

Q: One of my colleagues has a huge problem with listening! I can not get a word in. They always seem to know the answer to everything, right or wrong. How can I encourage him to listen?
A: You use the right phrase –“encourage to LISTEN.” Many people confuse hearing with listening. The deaf listen, they do not hear. Every time we engage in listening, we make a choice to do so. We hear involuntarily but we listen voluntarily. Share with your colleague that listening entails using 4 basic ingredients – the eyes, ears, mind and memory. All 4 need to work together synergistically to experience active listening. Encourage the department to sponsor classes in basic communication skills. Chapter two of ASC provides effective listening tools.

Q: I am having a really difficult time communicating with my spouse. It feels that we don’t have anything positive to share any more. It’s all about bills and problems at work. It’s as if when we talk, we no longer share the little things or our dreams and goals. I don’t know what to do.
A: The two of you have forgotten how to listen with empathy. There are only 4 types of listening experiences you vacillate between all day long. Empathy is one of them. To listen with empathy means to listen with your mind AND heart. Just because you care! Just because you value the other person’s opinions and dreams as much as your own. When you lose this vital ability within the interpersonal relationship, you are quickly on your way to termination. You both are encouraged to take the Listening
Self-Evaluation assessment in Chapter 2 of ASC and carefully examine the listening tips given. Also, it helps to make sure you really understand how important you are to one another.

Q: I understand how Intrapersonal Communication may affect my personal life but I do not understand its connection to my relationships.
A: You take you wherever you go! When you interact with others, you interact from the level of YOUR thoughts, YOUR feelings. All of these are a part of your Interpersonal Communication. Your relationships are built on how you see yourself, how you feel about yourself. If you are angry in your life, you will experience angry relationships. If you are content with you and your life, you will attract other contented relationships. We call these “mirror messages” – the reflection we get from others about ourselves. Your relationships are a reflection of how you see yourself always, and will change when you change – for better or for worse!

PS. Have a wonderful day. It’s always your choice!
And that’s my word!
Pass It On!
http://www.hci-global.net/ http://www.hci-global.com/ http://www.communicationstaircase.com/

Isn’t It Time You Bring Communication to the Forefront of Your Life?

2008-07-16T15:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Human Communicators,

How successful would you be personally and professionally if you had a personal Communication Advisor?

Isn’t It Time You Bring Communication to the Forefront of Your Life?

Dear PS: Conversations about Communication™

Welcome to the 4th edition of Dear PS! For over 20 years, I have committed myself to understanding both the art and science of communication in an effort to understand humanities greatest gift of connection and creativity. This newsletter provides the opportunity to share years of discovery and application. Please do not take this gift lightly. Your happiness, your success, your relationships depend on your ability to understand and use the tool of communication to create the life you want to live. Blog us, we would love to hear from you! This month, we highlight Small Group Communication; you know family, team, association, group... We all can learn to get along once we understand the vast importance of the role of perception as we make room for other realities. Want to change the world you're living in? Your communication effectiveness holds THE key!

The Art and Science of Communication: Tools for Effective Communication in the Workplace (ASC) is flying off the shelves of all the major bookstores into the hands of interested readers already sharing this important work with others. Our global society is desperate for people willing to increase their abilities to communicate, inspire and impact the world with words of healing ....we are here Pass It On!

Welcome to our new “Dear PS Blog”. Send Your Comments!!!
www.dearps.blogspot.com

Small Group Communication Tips

Dear PS,

Q: Can you help me understand why I always seem to be so uncomfortable in group discussions? I just
clam up and wish I could disappear!
A: This is a common issue for many individuals. This is an important fact because those other 3 or more
individuals in the group are probably feeling the same way and faking their way through or
withdrawing just like you. Where does the discomfort come from? Basically, it is an unhealthy
obsession with “self”. Not as in positive self-esteem but as in low self-worth and an unhealthy focus on
your imagined shortcomings. Remember the phrase “you take you wherever you go”? Well, what is
your self-talk saying to you and how is it building or destroying your ability to be heard? Another issue
may be your lack of communication repertoire. What do you have to say? Focus on your issues of self-
worth and improve, increase your communication repertoire for greater communication opportunities.
Chapter 1, 4 and 5 of the ASC guidebook shed further light on this concern. Your VOICE is just as
important and worthy as the next....know it – speak it!
Q: I am a team leader at work and it is one of the most challenging positions I have ever had! The team
members are so diverse from their ideologies to their backgrounds. I am having trouble getting everyone
on the same page.
A: Welcome to the 21st century of diversity in the workplace. Increasingly, team leaders must become
culturally competent to manage diverse groups and points of view. There are many factors to leading in
the global marketplace. But a few important factors include: (1) how competent are you to lead the team
in terms of knowledge and desired outcomes, (2) what is your background working with individuals
who may bring to the table differing perspectives and worldview, (3) do you understand the important
difference between task and maintenance leadership skills, (4) what type is your leadership style and is
this group prepared for it and lastly, (5) how passionate are you about the mission? Answering these
questions will enable you to understand the amount of work that needs to be a part of your leadership
reasearch. Individuals will follow a leader who knows where he/she is going and passionate about what
ALL his/her members have to offer.

Q: I don’t understand why we have such a hard time working together in groups in the U.S. Other
countries such as China seem to be surpassing us in collective innovation and production. Does our
communication style offer any insight?

A: This is a great question that strikes at the heart of how we see ourselves. There are many ways to
approach this issue depending on who is answering the question, but I would like to offer one issue that
many feel greatly impacts this issue – “individualism versus collectivism”. We live in a “hyper-
individualistic” culture that places less value on the we than on the me. This affects every aspect of our
society. It breeds competition versus cooperation at every level of our culture. Just look around. You
want my definition of a good team? “A great team is comprised of members who contribute their
individual best for the collective good.”

PS. Have a wonderful day. It’s always your choice!
And that’s my word!
Pass It On!

www.hci-global.net www.hci-global.com www.communicationstaircase.com

How successful would you be personally and professionally if you had a personal Communication Advisor? Welcome to the 2nd edition

2008-06-17T14:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Human Communicators,

Dear PS: Conversations about Communication

Dear PS, is the advisor to “go to” for answers involving some of the most complex communication issues surrounding personal, social and professional relationships. I want to be YOUR advocate and advisor helping you to find answers to communication issues that are a part of your daily prescription for peace, love and prosperity. So, what do you have to do? Nothing...just read, enjoy, learn, share and by all means email any questions you would like for “Dear PS” to tackle on any communication issue!

Our first edition was a huge success! Thanks to all who responded! As for the rest of you, PLEASE READ! You will be glad you did and again, Please send any question you would like me to answer and I will print it without your name attached! ☺

Your monthly Communication Tips will highlight the communication arenas of the Communication Staircase Model™ (CSM), a new step being highlighted each month. This month, I will highlight the 2nd step of the Communication Staircase, Nonverbal Communication (NVC) – the conscious and/or subconscious sending and receiving of unspoken messages. Visit our website for further understanding of CSM.

We hope that you can join us for the San Diego release of The Art and Science of Communication: Tools for Effective Communication in the Workplace. Our first signing is right here in San Diego at the Grossmont Center, Barnes and Noble, Thursday, May 29th, 7-8 PM. Can't make it? Order online today!

Nonverbal Communication Tips
Dear PS,

Q: I understand that “body language” can be an important component of getting your message across but
beyond eye contact and gestures, I don’t really understand what I should be focusing on.
A: The aspect of NVC you are aware of is termed Kinesics which includes eye contact, gestures,
posture, facial expressions and other aspects of body movement. These are definitely the primary
message senders that others respond to during communication; however, NVC is much, much broader. It
includes factors such as space, time, smell, touching, paralanguage, and appearance. These are all areas
of the science of NVC and require investigation and knowledge. Actions do speak louder than words and
what you do not know can definitely affect your personal and professional success!

Q: I have a co-worker whose communication is very unprofessional. She talks using a lot of slang
and consistently uses bad English. I feel she is hurting her chances of professional success. She is very
bright but she sounds uneducated. Is this a part of the paralanguage you discuss? How can I help her?
A: It is very admirable that you are concerned about your colleague’s career. First, understand that while
English/Spanish/French or any formal language can be deemed “good or bad” based on the rules of
language, syntax, and grammar, communication is always “appropriate or inappropriate” based on the
audience. So the problem is that your colleague’s communication is inappropriate for the setting. While
this issue is a combination of verbal and nonverbal, the paralanguage aspect is nonverbal. The way she
“sounds” has to do with the vocal markers that accompany her words that identify her unique vocal
pattern. I suggest that you begin by understanding that the acceptable Eurocentric pattern of work
communication is not typical to everyone but many adapt to it as a workplace survival skill. This person
obviously has not. This is what she needs to understand: Her communication needs to adjust based on
her setting. It is a skill that comes from listening, learning and mimicking the expected professional
communication both verbally and nonverbally. Her “community dialect” should be relegated to her
personal and social settings. It can be a complex cultural issue. Invite a professional into the workplace
to assist.

Q: I am always late where ever I go! I just can not seem to help it. My family and social obligations keep
me running. At work, I always seem to be the last one at the meeting. Help!
A: This may be both a nonverbal and cross-cultural issue. You do not share your ethnicity but I suspect
that it may be one of a collective culture. U.S. Eurocentric culture is very time conscious as most
western/individualistic cultures tend to be. They are labeled monochronic and tend to be singularly
focused on time segmented according to activity. Whereas, collective cultures are labeled polychronic
and tend to focus on time more communally and place greater value on the relationship of time to
people and customs. This can be very disconcerting when these two paradigms clash as they often do in
the workplace. Learn to be polychronic in your personal and social life and monochronic in your
professional life. This is what I have to do. When in Rome...

PS. Have a wonderful day. It’s always your choice!
And that’s my word!
Pass It On!

http://www.hci-global.net/ psp@hci-global.net http://www.inwordoutword.com/

How successful would you be personally and professionally if you had a personal Communication Advisor?

2008-05-23T13:20:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the exciting 2008 launch of:

Dear PS: Conversations about Communication™

My passion and mission is to share my expertise as a Communication Specialist. I truly believe in the importance of WORD POWER. As a part of my outreach, I have begun the process of branding
“Dear PS”, the advisor to “go to” for answers involving some of the most complex communication issues surrounding personal, social and professional relationships. I want to be YOUR advocate and advisor helping you to find answers to communication issues that are a part of your daily prescription for peace, love and prosperity. So, what do you have to do? Nothing...just read, enjoy, learn, share and by all means email any questions you would like for “Dear PS” to tackle on any communication issue!

Your monthly Communication Tips will highlight the communication arenas of the Communication Staircase Model™ (CSM), a new step being highlighted each month. This month, let’s start from the very beginning of every communication experience you have, every minute, every day – Intrapersonal- communication with yourself. Visit our website for further understanding of CSM.

Lastly, HCI is excited to announce the release of The Art and Science of Communication, Wiley & Sons Publishers, Inc., available online with major book retailers May 1st and in bookstores nationwide May 10th! There is a Dear PS section at the end of each chapter.

Intrapersonal Communication Tips
Dear PS,

Q: I have spent what feels like a life-time reading and listening to self-help books, tapes/cds, and I still
find myself unable to make the positive changes in my life I am seeking!
A: “As you think, so you are!” Your questions tells me a couple things about your journey, (1) you may be
waiting for a solution outside of yourself and (2) your communication shares that you are not
thinking in a manner that creates positive change. The type of journey you have committed to is
what your entire human life experience is about and as such, it takes a lifetime of care and
commitment. Life is a continuous adventure of growth and change. Be encouraged by this fact: Your
earnest desire is the only requirement for achieving the truth you seek. Stay focused, diligent and
patient. You are guaranteed victory! Examine the communication you are using, moment by moment.
This is the process of self-monitoring your feelings, your thoughts, and your words. You can not
separate your thoughts from your deliberate actions.

Q: I hear about the Law of Attraction so much these days. How does this relate to my words?
A: Another way of understanding the Law of Attraction is replacing the word “attraction” with
“alignment”. What “truth” practitioners are trying to share is that you can not produce in life
what you are not aligned with or what you do not truly believe. Often times, we try to fool ourselves
into believing that we are deserved of all the wonderful things and relationships we can wish for,
but we don’t do the work required to attract these desires to us. We want wealth, but we speak
poverty. We want a great relationship but we believe all men are “dogs” or all women are “gold
diggers”. Our thoughts and words do not align with what we think and say we want. Remember that
saying, “You can’t fool Mother Nature”? Think of Mother Nature as the creative force that produces in
the physical what you really think, feel and speak, not the mask you wear.

Q: I recognize how Intrapersonal Communication may affect my personal life but I do not understand its
connection to my professional life.
A: Always understand you take you wherever you go! The thoughts you wake up with every
morning do not stay behind when you enter the office. They follow you through your whole day!
That is why getting up on the “right side of the bed” (positive thoughts) versus the wrong side
(negative thoughts) is so important. It sets the tone for your entire day and if you have a bad start that
you do not replace with clearer, positive thoughts and attitude, the negative energy produced will
pervade every aspect of your day – every meeting, every interpersonal exchange, every sale, every
conflict - EVERYTHING! Your professional life is a mirror of your internal (personal) life!

PS. Have a wonderful day. It’s always your choice!
And that’s my word!
Pass It On!

www.hci-global.net www.inwordoutword.com